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Talking to stragners-Step by step tutorial

Walking up to people you don't know and striking up conversation is the social equivalent of skydiving. It's fun, interesting, and risky. And it will change your life. You’ll meet new people every day, you’ll give yourself control over your social and love life, and you’ll experience firsthand the joy of living dangerously. But how do you go from sitting in front of a computer to habitually starting conversations with strangers on a daily basis? Read on, aspiring social skydiver, read on...


1. Let go of your ego. Prepare to be told to "$#&! off!" Prepare to be ignored. Prepare to be brushed off in dramatic fashion. But also prepare to meet (and possibly date) people of unique vintage and beauty. When you take the risk of talking to someone you don’t know, rejection is certainly a possibility. But failure is exciting–-it’s a chance to learn and improve. So when you're out and about, leave the ego behind and keep the following in mind:

* People don’t bite. A lot of people are really open to conversation. In fact, you’d be amazed at how many people will be practically overjoyed that you came and talked to them, as if they’ve been waiting for you to approach them.

* Rejection is no big deal. This can't be emphasized enough. Still, fear of rejection will be the main reason why people don’t go out and try this. If you are willing to get rejected, brush it off and keep going, you will have an awesome life. Period.

* The people around you aren’t watching you approach strangers. And, even when they are, it’s usually in shock and awe, rather than because they’re laughing at you.

2. Keep your conversations fairly organic. Don't come in with “canned material”, “nuclear attraction” routines, or other social robotics. The best way to make a connection with someone is to come from the heart and live fully in the moment. What you say isn’t nearly as important as how you say it. Socializing is about exchanging energy, not being a wordsmith. When in doubt, just say “Hi”. If you’ve never done this before, you may get brushed off several, even dozens of times until you get really comfortable being yourself in front of other people.

3. If you’re still terrified by the idea of talking to strangers, challenge yourself to talk to one stranger a day, every day, for 30 days. If you’re walking past someone on the sidewalk, say “Hi”, and the person looks at you and keeps walking (done that many times), your job is done for the day. If you walk up to a girl in a club and say “Hey!”, and she responds, with a slightly grossed out look “I have a boyfriend.”, congratulations, you’re one step closer to improving your love life. The point of this exercise is to get you used to talking to people you don’t know and form the habit of being more social.

4. Go out to social events by yourself. That’s right. Don’t invite anyone along. No one needs to know where you’re going. You don’t need permission from your girlfriend or boyfriend. You just need to choose to make right now a lot more exciting than yesterday. Your goal for this outing should be just one simple thing: Amuse yourself. You don’t need to get any phone numbers. In fact, you don't need to make any guarantees that you’ll actually talk to anyone. Don’t scare yourself into submission before you’ve even left the house. If you claim you “can’t find anything good” you may not be looking hard enough. There are many opportunities for improving your social suaveness in most towns and cities:

* Art Shows

* Book Readings

* Rock Concerts

* Museum Exhibitions

* “Beginners Night” Dance Classes

* Speed Dating

* Outdoor Festivals

* Geek Gatherings

* Parades/Rallies/Protests

* Church


* If you do this enough, you’ll eventually get comfortable being yourself around people. While you should expect your first time to be really scary, even lame perhaps, see the bigger picture. Do you really think you’ll still be just as horrified once you’ve done this 10 times? 100 times? 1000 times? Planting yourself in social situations actually makes talking to strangers become the path of least resistance. In fact, you’ll look a lot more strange if you aren’t talking to people.

* Being willing to go out by yourself gives you more control over your social life. It means you can make a decision about what you want to do on a given night, even if nobody else wants to or is available to join you. Suddenly, those awkward moments of waiting around like a loser for your friend to show up at some social gathering become opportunities to meet new people.

* To help you find these things easily, and also make it a little less intimidating, you can use social networking sites such as meetup.com that encourage real life interactions. You can find groups in your local area that match things you're interested in and get involved in social groups you are more likely to be comfortable at talking to new people.

* It's not good isolating yourself, so get out and meet a lot of people. Don't sit home alone, nobody is going to ring your doorbell and ask you to go out with them.

* If you make the effort despite your fears about talking to strangers, you might accidentally have the time of your life.

* If you are Facebook user, check your events page to see what's happening where and when in your area.

* If you decide go out by yourself, to a new location or area, it is a good idea to let someone know where you are going and when you expect to return.


You will encounter all of the following problems, but the sooner you push through them, the sooner you'll realize how harmless they really are:

* You won’t know what to say when you approach people.

* You might end up standing around like a loser.

* You’ll be almost visibly shaking for the first few people you approach.

* Some people will think you’re creepy.

* Some people will think you’re weird because you’re not out with your friends.

* You’ll tell yourself, “This is too hard! I think I’ll just rent a movie instead.”

* First impressions count, make your best attempt for it may be your last with any particular person

Good luck and stay tuned

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